If you don't respect yourself...

...at least respect your husband. 

That's the simplest way I can put it.  Don't dress like a homeless bum, nor a streetwalker.  Dress your children neatly and cleanly.  Remember, you and your family are a representation of your military spouse to his superiors as well as his coworkers. 

Time and time again I have wanted to scratch my corneas out at the pure sight of some of these women here.  Just two days ago a military spouse walked out her back door (which faces half the houses here) and was yelling and waving her arms in the air to a neighbor who lived across the field.  Mind you, it was seven o'clock in the morning, so she was only wearing a nightshirt.  When she raised her arms, she exposed herself entirely from the waist down.

Then there are those who are skinny and believe they're God's gift to army wives, and walk around in next to nothing.  Personally, I don't care what they wear, but it looks bad if your husband's superiors see this or their spouses.  Especially, but not limited to, the military balls.  I have seen my fair share of pictures or complete wrecks dressed in the sluttiest dresses they could find.

Just remember, you represent yourself, your family, and especially your spouse.  Keep it clean and appropriate, please.


Final note, if you're working at the shopettes on post, or the px/commissary, please cover your tits up.  I don't need to see them, and to be honest, it's not something I'm sure anyone else cares to see.  I know that it's awesome to be a single girl working amongst a plethora of single soldiers, but you look like a slut.  Cover up.  Your gigantic boobs are not cute swinging into my cup of coffee.  I don't need any breastmilk, I filled it with enough creamer.  Besides, no guy worth his weight is going to bring someone like you home to his mother, he's just going to hump and dump you. 

Take time for yourself...

A lot of the time we get married, have children, and are essentially labeled as "wife" or "mother".  We have a tendency to lose ourselves in these titles and forget who were were before we got married to the military.  To put it bluntly, the Army is my husband's wife, I'm just his mistress.  I come second, and that's a big pill to swallow.  Once you realize this, you will know that you always come second.  That's not his fault, nor the military's, it is just what is expected.

But let's get into something that can make life a bit easier.  Take time to find a hobby that is good for you.  I've dabbled in photography (not my thing, but I do enjoy having beautiful pictures, so I'm glad I took advantage of it), scrapbooks (I enjoy making books for my family, individual and as a whole), exercise (not for me, either :) ).  I found my niche.  I enjoy socializing, being a butterfly fluttering around and talking to people is my forte.  So I go to poker tournaments that are offered for free here via the MWR.  It mostly consists of elderly men and women with whom I've gotten involved with.  They truly are the highlight of my week. 

I get out twice a week, sans children and husband, and get to be just me! It's a couple of hours, and it helps keep my sanity and therefore my family's sanity.  I get time to regroup and remember who I was before I had children.  I get the chance to really relax and enjoy time spent by myself. 

I find that making an agreement with your spouse for both of you to get time away from the kids and each other is pertinent.  Our marriage is stronger because we have the chance to just get away.  I am not saying that spouses should be going to bars and/or clubs, but get a chance to just get away and have time to miss each other a little bit. 

That being said, I also think that if a spouse wants to go to the bar with some friends, you should set up some rules.  My husband and I have rules that work for us.  If the husband is going to a bar with his pals, and he plans on drinking, he is NOT driving, no matter if he's only have a couple of beers.  Safety is a priority in our household.  He must go to a bar nearby in case I have to pick them up because they've had too much to drink.  And he goes with people I know and trust to not cause drama while they're enjoying themselves.  Going to the bar doesn't have to consist of booze and dancing with people.  It could consist of just a few games of billiards, or even just karaoke.  Lay down guidelines you both must live by, and be fair, he is going to enjoy himself. 

If you show your spouse you trust them, and vice-versa, things go smoother together and apart.  Also, when you both come to an agreement for each of you to weekly get out of the house, stick to it.  Of course things happen that can prevent one from going to their "happy place" but when you do get the chance to go there, go where you say you're going, have your phone on you in case of emergencies, and do not lie.  Keep the agreement.  Don't say you're going for 1 game of Bunco then stay for 3 and your spouse is left home with the kids longer than expected.  That's not fair to him and you wouldn't want him to do that to you.

Keep in mind, while you're out, he's dealing with what you normally do on a daily basis.  That being said, you deal with it daily, therefore you have traditional coping methods while your spouse may not.  Remember they may get frustrated more easily and help by getting the family settled before you go.  Make the transition easier for the both of you so everyone can enjoy their evenings.

Small tidbit..

Get involved in your local MWR.  They offer so many fun things to do for your family, at little or no cost.  When a spouse is deployed your children qualify for FREE extracurricular activities.  Like soccer or dance, etc.  I put my son on the local soccer team for free!  They qualify for those free activities during deployment up to 90 days after the parent's return.  Take advantage of it all!!!!  Don't let those things slip through your fingers.  Not only do your children learn about teamwork and become more social but they also learn how to be a good winner and loser during athletic events!  Not only do you get their energy out, they get new friendships!

Also, your local USO often does free things on post for the active duty and their spouses!  Usually both the MWR and the USO have facebook pages for your local base.  Add them.  They post activities so often and you get the chance to participate! 

Fort Campbell has one of the most active MWR and USO offices I have ever seen.  There's things for the adults and kids alike!  There's Texas Hold 'Em tournaments, Bunco, horse back riding camps, sports, free meals for soldiers, etc!  Even the travel and leisure offices offer free or reduced price tickets to sports games, circuses, and different shows.

Do not pass up the chance to make memories with your family for a free or reduced price, you will regret it later.  Take advantage of what is offered to you, it's well worth it in the end.  Every place you're stationed at is what you make of it.  If you choose to sit in your home and keep yourself cooped up all day with children, the base you're stationed at will become a burden rather than an enjoyment.  I have found so many things to do here, locally, for free or a very small expense, and it has made my stay here well worth it. 

Let's Be Honest..

Our job is not easy.  While our spouse is gone, we have to pick up the pieces and then become both mother and father during a time when the children just don't understand.  When my oldest would ask where his father was, I would NEVER say he was at work.  Due to the fact that when daddy would return I feared that my child would think the days he left for work were days that he was leaving for good, again.

Take the time to explain.  Children are much smarter and more understanding than we give them credit for.  I explained to my oldest that his father was thousands of miles away making sure we were safe by keeping an eye on the "bad guys".  He would ask other questions, to which I answered honestly. 

That being said, there is the rules of OPSEC.  OPSEC is simply "Operations Security".  Basically, it's making sure to not divulge information via Internet and/or telephone.  Any sensitive information could be used by the enemy to take initiative to endanger our loved ones.  No piece of information is worth your spouse's life, or his comrades'. 

Our job is tough.  We want to know everything that is going on, where they are, and what is coming up next.  We want to have an explanation for our children, our families, and ourselves.  But knowing such sensitive information could lead to something serious happening to our loved ones.  It is not at all worth the risk.

Imagine finding out your spouse was injured or killed via facebook.  Social networking has caused a problem with the military today.  There have been instances where a spouse, sitting at home, minding her business, found out via facebook her loved one was KIA.  All because his battle buddies decided to put the soldier's name with "RIP" on their status updates.  How cold and crass is that?? Let's remember, we're not the only ones involved in these wars.  We're not the only ones with spouses and loved ones over there.  Keep personal business to yourself.  Make sure to not divulge private information on the Internet.  I'd say keep your mouth shut, but it's better put, "keep your fingers still".

Child Endangerment???

Here at the lovely Fort Campbell there are places to post things for sale that are seemingly "safer" than craigslist (especially after that huge craigslist killing spree).  It's affiliated with bookoo.com and is called campbellyardsales.com. 

I have gone on this for the purpose of selling and buying things without having to drive around looking for the items.  It works just like craigslist does with the purpose of focusing locally rather than state-wide or tri-city.  While is a great place to swap goods for money or other goods, I find it unsettling to see posts from people who are looking for sitters for their kids.

Who the hell does that??  Who goes online to find a sitter for their kids so they can hit up a bar with their spouse?  You don't know if that person is a pedophile, murderer, or just abusive in general.  Is it worth the beers out at the bar to endanger your child?? 

I would consider this child endangerment!  Let's be honest, the military bases offer programs for nights out with your spouse.  Get off the couch, enroll your children in CYS, and then you are able to utilize the program.  Or, simply, get to know your neighbors and do switch-offs.  Take the time to know them and make sure they're on the up and up, then bring up the possibility of switching off a couple of weekends a month.  You watch theirs, they watch yours. 

Please stop being desperate people who endanger your kids by picking up random people off of the Internet, it's embarassing to us Army wives.

WWYD???

You know a military wife is using drugs, you know she is hopping from different doctor to score a new prescription to take in conjunction with the old, speedball mixtures.  She's drinking and getting so tanked she's unable to even stand for longer than five minutes at a time.  WWYD?? 

This is the story of so many military wives.  The hospitals hand out prescription pain killers like it's candy and one only has to say "ouch" and it's a "5" rating on a scale of 1-10.  Civilian doctors don't think that the spouse of a soldier would be abusing narcotics and therefore hands it out readily.  Plus, they know they're going to get paid by their good insurance.  But let's be really honest here, the military wife is a tough job.  It would easily break anyone, even the toughest broads on the planet.

Due to the difficult nature of marriage, let alone the military marriage, depression and addiction is easily come by in the military life.  What are your feelings on this?? WWYD?? Have you felt yourself slipping???  How far is too far???

Under Scrutiny...

I peruse multiple Facebook pages that are about the army wife life or equivalent.  A friend of mine told me about OSMW.  I have lurked, responding here and there, but primarily just read.  I have noticed that it is run by a soldier!  Interestingly enough, pictures are posted pointing out different women and men who have wronged their spouses in some way and humiliating them to some extent.  Dependents of the military are referred to as a "dependapotamus".  While this site can be hilarious, some of it does push the limit. 

Well the incredibly popular facebook page has come under scrutiny, gaining nationwide popularity due to newspaper articles.  Like this one from NorthwestMilitary.com. 

"When one Joint Base Lewis-McChord spouse saw her husband's picture on the Overly Sensitive Military Wives Facebook page proclaiming him as a drill sergeant who "rapes privates," she got boiling mad." 

 "It sometimes features unflattering photos of military wives or troops and at times incites lively comment wars that pit those who support the page against those who would like to see it shut down. The OSMW page's administrator, who goes only by "6," said the page isn't meant to hurt anyone, just to address a side of military life some spouses don't acknowledge exists."

The Facebook page is undergoing scrutiny because the person who runs and owns it is an actual service member.  The person, who only goes by the name "6", claimed to be only "affiliated with the military" but others claim "6" is actually enlisted. 

"A movement directed from the top to shut down the page for good and prosecute "6" under the Uniform Code of Military Justice (because 6 is a Soldier, the JBLM spouse said) could perhaps save lives and a lot of unneeded anguish, she said."

My opinion??? What's America without the 1st Amendment Right to freedom of speech??? For a long time blogs and social networking sites weren't considered legitimate forms of news, but that has changed.  Legally could "6" be sued for slander??? Possibly, but they have to prove what he/she posts are lies.  While embarrassing to see a picture of yourself or your spouse on the web page, maybe if they carried themselves with higher morals or better self-esteem it wouldn't end up on there. 

It's all in good fun and, frankly, if a person wanted their pictures or names removed, they could email the webmaster of the page, "6", and let him/her know.  Going to the news media about said pictures just puts you in the spotlight as an overly sensitive military wife.  That being said, posting about someone "raping privates" is a bit extreme.  But being in a position of power and sleeping with privates could constitute "rape" or something equivalent.  Where does it cross the line???  Do you think that this facebook page should be shut down??  Maybe edited for content?? How far is too far?? Should a service member be the one running it?? It is widely popular and busy, what is that service member doing while supposedly working???